“Love bears all things, believe all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Corinthians 13:7 is a verse that has carried so much weight throughout various stages in my life. And as we face so many unknowns with the end of this pregnancy, the words have surfaced again.
It has turned into my mantra.
There was a time when the verse spoke to me about lasting friendships. Challenged by much. Broken by nothing.
When it was read at my wedding, the verse spoke to me about the road ahead. All that we will experience. All that we will laugh about. All that we will cry about. All the highs, and all the lows. And how we will forever stand together as one, never faltering in our faith and love for one another.
And as a mother, these words have yet again adjusted my vision – allowing me to believe and love blindly. Making choices with nothing more than hope and love on my side.
I feel absolutely powerless right now. I feel stressed as we are pushed into a corner with a loud ticking clock and a forced scheduled c-section. I feel discouraged that there is so little support for mothers to naturally deliver breech babies. I am scared of what the next few days will hold, and if I will be able to birth my baby.
After two quiet, hands-free labor and deliveries with my boys where I was able to call all the shots, I feel overwhelmed and consumed by all the unexpected emotions the end of this pregnancy has brought.
But. Now is the time when my love, beliefs, and hopes must stand firm and strong. When my faith must carry me and keep me moving forward.
I will not stop working. I will not stop praying. I will not stop believing that this babe and I will cross the finish line on our own terms.
I was delivered at home by a midwife. I was raised by a midwife who spent my childhood empowering mothers to bring babies into this world in a way that supported their beliefs and values. And delivering my babies with the help of nothing more than a midwife is something that is so very very very important to me.
I hope with all my heart that my final pregnancy journey can end the same way it did with Wrigley and Parker. Dan caught our babies, he was the first set hands to touch their bodies, the first pair eyes to see their faces. And I just so hope that we can birth and delivery this baby without intervention.
My faith will stand strong.