Camden is 11 weeks old today. I went back to work when Wrigkey was 11 weeks old. 14 weeks with Parker.
Those weeks leading up to my return were stressful, despite my attempt to not fuss over the reality.
But there was milk to pump and stockpile, childcare to be arranged, and logistics to be coordinated.
With Camden though, there has been no deadline. No need to pump. No need for childcare. It has been so freeing. And a blessing I have been mindful of daily.
Being home with the kids is amazing. And I love that I am the one who gets to capture the moments that make up their days. However, it does come with its sacrifices as well.
Some of the sacrifices I have come to accept and embrace. Some I have been able to work around (i.e the need for adult interaction = play dates). But some sacrifices have been a constant work in progress, like my career.
I love to work. I get a lot from it, and personally need that mental stimulation, and that chance to own something that has nothing to do with chores or the kids. But working as a stay-at-home mom with three little ones is an act that can never be balanced. Something is always being sacrificed as a result of trying to blend two worlds. And that isn’t an easy thing to accept.
Over the last few weeks, the kids screen time has been increasing as a result of my schedule and priority organization. I would go to bed every night feeling guilty, and missing them despite being with them all day.
I had a wake up call this past weekend and realized that I want different. I want to be different.
My number one job right now is to be home with the kids and to raise little humans. And it is up to me to not let other things cloud out that responsibility. And to not let TV shape their time and development.
So we went cold turkey. I removed my crutch.
The kids are learning how to play independently from time to time. And I am learning how to adjust my sleep schedule so that I can crack out high priority projects in quiet, and leave more time for playing, reading, visiting parks, and such.
And while I am exhausted right now trying to figure out this new ‘very limited media’ zone, I can say that I feel so much happier at the end of the day. The kids have been a lot happier too, which is a mega win!