Sometimes as moms we are so busy keeping our poo together for those around us, like the little ones who are always watching, that we never allow ourselves to acknowledge what we are going through.
And the reality is that the only way to get through the rough patches is to literally, physically, mentally and emotionally go through it. Live it. Feel it. Deal with it.
Even if that means showing your true feelings, weaknesses and fears to your husband and kids. Because sometimes, every thing is not fine.
This move has been really challenging. And attempting to create new routines, and establish new spaces, and make this house feel like our home has felt nearly impossible.
Every day I wake up thinking this is it. This will be the day. I will get my ish together today. Do more. Be more. Today I will put us down the path towards our new norm.
And every day that I fall short on this mission, which has been every day, I find myself using all the wrong measurements for happiness. I lose sight of gratitude. I lose all patience. I lose sight of my values. I go down this bad attitude spiral, which is CR-AZY!
This is an uncomfortable moment in life. But not a bad moment in life by any means.
Yes, I need to continue to sort through this transition, and take it piece by piece, day by day. But I also need to be a little bit more lenient with myself and this process. I need to be a lot more grateful for all the good. And I need to get lost in what is, instead of what could or should be.
So lets try this on for size…
I am grateful for this one’s compassion. When I miss the last stair, he comes to check on me quickly to see if I am ok. He is always sensitive to my emotions, and quick to comfort and reassure me.
I am grateful for this one’s tenacity. For him pushing me to always act with love and kindness. To challenge myself to take a deep breath and talk through a situation, and to seek more ways to have fun.
I am grateful for this one needing me the way he does. To crave a firm grip on the neckline of my shirt at all times, and to look to me for a smile of approval with all he does. He reminds me how short lived this chapter is and to enjoy the intimacy between mother and baby.
And this one. Goodness. I am grateful for him forcing me to leave the house and not think twice above the crying baby. I am grateful for him pushing me to take time for myself. I am grateful for all the meals he makes me without me having to even ask. I am grateful for the way he plays with the boys, always putting them before tasks. And I am grateful for him making me laugh so hard my cheeks hurt.